Roots and Wings and letting go.

It’s been a very strange day today and one of great learning, especially for my youngest daughter. Well, and me too. Recently she has been diagnosed with polycystic ovaries and has begun the stream of doctor appointments and blood tests to try and find the best way to help her to conceive. Today she had to ring up and make her first hospital appointment and it brought home what she feels is a long and arduous journey toward becoming a mother.
The stress of that wasn’t helped when her cat, who hasn’t been eating properly for a few days, had to go to the vet. We’d had the discussion about what happens if he has to be put to sleep. Cruel but necessary, the old fella is getting on and his health hasn’t been great for a while, this second trip tipped the balance and we both had a cry and more or less resigned ourselves to that fact. This broke the barriers and she talked to me about all the negative stuff she is feeling, you know the general unfairness of life. I felt bad that I had to get her to take the cat in the first place and to hear her upset about everything else made me feel worse. What can you say? We talked about being positive and that although everything that has happened today was a bit of set back, it is life and is something we have to deal with, something that will make us stronger in the long run.
‘I’m not having any pets.’ Says she until I pointed out to her that when she has children they have to learn many lessons in life and the hardest one is death, small pets are the best way of introducing the subject. In our family we had many deaths, gerbils, mice, cats, hamsters and they were all sad but the children accepted what had happened and all planned little funerals for their pets, which gave them something positive to help them cope. When one cat was killed on the road, the funeral was at the top of the garden under a tree and all the time we were gathered there and singing a little song, our other cat had sat up in the tree watching. When we came back indoors, he climbed from the tree and lay along the grave with the posies of wild flowers that the children had laid there. There could have been nothing better to show them that it is alright to grieve and even animals feel sad too.
My daughter came back from the vets with the cat, the vet could find nothing wrong but gave him an injection of antibiotic just in case and some special high protein cat food… special at £3.95 a small tin! and a course of tablets. Such a relief for her but we talked about preparation for the inevitable; at some point in the old cat’s life one trip will be his last.
I was so delighted when, the fear of losing her cat had gone, she sat and said, ‘You were right Mum, I am looking at the big things and the worse that could happen instead of noticing all the wonderful small things that slip by unnoticed. This afternoon, J was so sweet, he took time off work, came to my appointment with me and was there for me reassuring me that everything would be ok. I didn’t realise how sweet that was and how important that was to me because I am not going through this alone.’ She smiled and suddenly the world looked a better place.
It made me think, how right she was, how often do we look at the huge picture and forget the little things that make up the picture. Any mountain can be climbed but how much easier is the climb when you do it with the support of friends and stop along the way for refreshments and to just sit and take in the magnificence of the world around you.
I think we both learned an important lesson today. Mine was different to my daughter’s. I had to learn that I cannot cry her tears and there are some lessons she has to learn by herself. How hard it is to sit back and watch your child, no matter how old, go through any kind of pain knowing you can do nothing about it. But once she had dealt with it all she sat there with so much more confidence, maybe I said something right for her but at the end of the day all we can do is be there and listen. That’s when you know your children are no longer babies and you know even though they have roots to keep them secure you have given them wings and taught them to fly.