I was thinking today about what I wrote yesterday about my great grandfather George Montague and his suicide and although I really felt for him I wonder if I did my grandmother justice by painting her as a strong domineering woman. I mean for anyone to take their life at all is such a tragedy, for someone to feel that low to seek suicide as the only answer must mean a state of mind so desperate it leaves behind many, many unanswered questions and, for those that are left behind, such unbearable pain. Inevitably someone is going to say, ‘was it my fault? Could I have stopped them or said something to make it better?’ I can’t help wondering what my great grandmother went through. What his children of 14 and 10 must have felt is unbearable to think of too. So I don’t pass his death off lightly but I need to look at the situation in another way.
She, married off to a gardener unable to read and write, must have felt cheated, especially if she liked her freedom. In those days divorce was unheard of and I guess one way of coping with an unhappy marriage is to spend time with someone else, ie her father. How difficult it must have been and how frustrating, here she was a woman of means with her own business and self sufficient financially. She tailored suits, coats, trousers and baby coats and was well thought of. She wanted for nothing her family were well to do and yet she was married to a penniless, jobless and illiterate man. One might suggest she drove him to it, maybe the letters were written by her telling him that she was leaving him, maybe he threatened suicide and she said ‘go ahead’. We will never know.
In reality, it comes down to making judgement, just as the Coroner did. Relationships in those days were far less fair than they are today, normally women didn’t have a say as it is supposed Sarah didn’t when she married George, so it is difficult to make a judgement without knowing all the circumstances. My Grandmother never spoke about it but she loved her Dad. It makes me wonder how many judgements we make today based on what we perceive to be our truth. Each one of us have been brought up differently with different values and as such are not or should not be in a position to make any judgements unless we are closely involved. It goes back to a favourite story of mine…. Ask five reporters to attend a large fire in the town and put in their reports the next day. No two reports will be the same. The facts will be identical but the thoughts and emotions of each individual will be totally unconnected.
Life today is full of judgements of one sort or another and they are all based on either hearsay or opinion, not necessarily one’s own. My partner refuses to take me to a certain country because he doesn’t like the people, I asked him exactly what it was that he didn’t like and it turned out it was a prejudice given him by his parents! Judgement! I believe we should all try something and make our own opinions, find out the facts before deciding and most of all never judge people by the way they look, what we have been told about them or because they don’t conform to our way of thinking. Today we are individuals living in a country where we have freedom of thought and voice, do we really have the right to force that opinion on others, either deliberately or subtly? Should we not be thinking before we open our mouths and give our opinions, particularly if they are biased against something . I think so… but then that is my opinion and others might think very differently…
Hmm thinking about this blog it sort of goes round in circles and is more of a discussion with myself … Does that mean I am going mad… no judgements now…xx
No comments:
Post a Comment